ElementalMom

One of the most frustrating things I face, in the battle to help women get the births they deserve, is the fact that it’s often husbands, not women, who have the most paralyzing fear, and because of their fear, they’re willing to condemn their wives to the birth they themselves feel “safe” with. Usually, despite offering discussion, reference, and everything else I can think of to turn them around, they are steadfast in their (incorrect) belief, because they have nothing to lose; their wife does.

I wish with all my might I could introduce each and every one of those men to Lee Miller. Lee is the amazing husband of my pal Shaye, who I’ve blogged about here and here. Following is a letter Lee wrote to his Senator, regarding some bills that are coming up in his home state regarding midwifery.

5 January 2010

RE: LB 481, LB 457, & LB 406

Dear Senator Stuthman:

I am writing to ask you to prioritize LB 481, LB 457, and LB 406 – in that order – in 2010. I could cite altruistic reasons for this. I DO object to the masculinized scientific model of medicine that informs standard practices in hospitals and in OB/GYN offices. I AM troubled by the continued institutionalized oppression of women through practices that divorce women’s selves from their bodies without consulting them. And it IS important to me that lawmakers seek ways to liberate their constituents from legal constraints that require the wasting of vast human and economic resources. For me, this IS a matter of challenging western assumptions about knowledge (scientific or otherwise), capitalism, and gender. However, all those things aside, I write you today because I am a HUSBAND.

It would be all too easy to see LB 481, LB 457, and LB 406 as representing issues primarily associated with women – mothers and midwives. However, continued legal restraints on access to midwifery services, within and without hospitals, severely reduces awareness about these issues among both women and men. As it is right now, women in Nebraska are virtually powerless to assert themselves in the face of a legally supported system that does not do enough to interrogate its own practices and beliefs. And to the degree that this limits access and awareness to women, it does so even more with men, who have a longer road, I believe, to understanding the nature and importance of these issues.

I have been that husband in the sterile delivery room, completely dependent on an “expert,” trained in pathology, surgery, and policy. I’ve been there as the “expert” came and went, as nurses used unnecessary interventions without explaining (perhaps not understanding) the consequences, and as my wife went through the whole experience completely alone. And I’ve been there as the “expert” told me in no uncertain terms that, if this were his wife, “we’d be getting that baby out.” Thankfully, I have also been there as a Certified Nurse Midwife, trained in birth, nurtured the delivery of our third child. This time, our child was not cut out of my wife, and I was not cut out of the experience. Unfortunately, not only was this after two hospital cesarean births, but because we live in Nebraska, we had to drive 175 miles in the middle of the night amidst snow and freezing rain in order to employ the services of a midwife outside of a hospital. As best I can tell, this situation exists only to protect the interests of the medical establishment and the insurance companies (and their shareholders) to which they answer. I urge you to prioritize LB 481, LB 457, and LB 406 in order to change this. Thank you.

Sincerely,

B. Lee Miller, Ph.D.

Related posts:

1. Shaye’s Birth Story
2. Trust Birth Conference — Day 2
3. Trust Birth Conference — Reflections