Aurora vs. the Bureaucrat
I think there’s no time like the present to teach your kids that bureaucracies are made for poking holes in. Like, when they’re three months old.
Aurora and I set off for downtown Oakland, to get her paper trail going. Ours is a documentation-crazy society, and it’s far easier to do all this when they’re little. We’d undergone the application process for the birth certificate two months ago. This involved showing up in the office with the baby, both parents, and the midwife, and everyone waving around little pieces of paper to prove that they were who they said they were and that in fact that precise baby had been made by precisely those parents and that we had not in fact stolen her from someone or somewhere else. La. Once the admin was satisfied, we submitted the form, and left to wait for a few weeks to let the computers in the system digest the information.
We arrived at the Vital Records office, to get the paper copies. I have to say, I think it’s a little cruel to have births, deaths, and marriages all in the same line. But it also gives one a great deal to think about while waiting. And wait we did. 45 minutes later, we were called back. I gave them her name and date of birth, and within two minutes and quite a ridiculous amount of money, they’d run three legal copies off on their printer. I find myself wondering why I had to pay $19 apiece for them; do I not pay taxes? I don’t know anyone who bills at the rate of $9.50/minute, nor do I know of any paper that costs that much per sheet, so I’m still a bit befuddled by the payment structure there. But I’m sure my government only wants what’s best for me and there’s a valid reason. Yeah.
From there, we headed up the hill to the Social Security Administration. These are the folks that crank out the nine digits that rule the rest of your life, if you’re American. It’s used as ID pretty much everywhere. And it’s also a must-have if you’re going to get a passport, which was the end-purpose of all this paper pushing. So off we go. If you have a hospital birth, they do this for you, but if you’re a homebirther, you have to do it yourself. I’d been super diligent and filled out the form online in advance, although I was confused by the part where they ask for another form of ID. Um, she’s three months old, there’s no other ID besides a birth certificate possible.
I got to the office, took a number, and was immediately called up. Score! I plopped down the application, the birth certificate (still slightly warm from Vital’s printer), and smiled.
“I’d like a social security number for my baby, please.”
The woman looked at me like I was a bug. “You haven’t completed the form, the prior social security number isn’t filled out.”
“Um… she doesn’t have a prior, this is a first card, she’s three months old.” At this point I leaned sideways, so she could see Aurora, who was at that point, sound asleep in my Beco sling.
And this is where it got goofy.
“You could have gotten that baby anywhere, who says it’s yours?”
Annoyed, I showed her my medical insurance card, which has my name, Jason’s name, and all the kids’s names. “I’m paying for her insurance, I am who I am, I have her birth certificate, her father and the midwife and I all had to be present to get that, so really, that’s about as identified as she’s going to get.”
“Well, you’ll have to have her medical records then.”
“But she’s not been to a doctor, she’s not sick.”
“Well what about her vaccination records?”
“She’s not vaccinated.”
At this point, the bureaucrat behind the desk literally gasped and pushed back from the window. Yeah, cause oh-so-many infectious disease epidemics are spread by three month olds.
“Well you will have to have her examined by a fully qualified medical doctor, NOT a midwife, and get her vaccinated, before she can be issued a card.”
This is, of course, an outright lie. I smiled tightly, said “thank you for your time” and was given the most self-satisfied, smug smile I’ve ever seen on the face of a bureaucrat. We left.
I walked back down to the car. I fumed for about two minutes, while I fed Aurora, and thought about my options.
I decided that the simplest resistance was best. I drove to the Berkeley Social Security office. Walked in. Took a number. Waited about fifteen minutes, and had several fabulous conversations with some wildly colorful and entertaining people. Got called to the screening window, where they verify that you have your forms filled out and everything ready to go.
“I’m here to get a Social Security Number for my baby.” (lean sideways to flash Aurora’s gorgeous smile)
“Oh! That is the cutest baby!” She then yelled over her shoulder to the woman running the next window “Don’t call anyone else! I’m pushing the lady with the baby to the front of the line!”
I get called up. I confidently, despite sweating inside, hand her my form, the birth certificate, the insurance card, my ID, and say “I’d like to get a number for my baby, please.”
To which the woman replies “Wow! You are so prepared! Thanks, that really helps us out!”. She typed, we chatted about babies and slings and governments and sleep deprivation. Her printer spit out a receipt, which she handed over, saying sunnily “you should get a receipt in the mail that says it’s in process, and the card should arrive in 4 to 6 weeks; faster if the Governor increases our budget!”
And that was that.
I am really conflicted about what to do next. Do I just spread the word with the local homebirth community that there’s someone at the Oakland Social Security office who is giving out inaccurate info and making life difficult for no good reason? Do I file a formal complaint? Do I do nothing?
It’s upsetting that a single paper pusher with an agenda can sit smugly behind their rolling window, and make your life easy, or difficult, at their whim, based on their own prejudices. I’m glad we are getting this all done way before we actually need it, while there’s still time to be calm and work it through. I can only imagine what that woman’s obstructionism does to people who are in a hurry to get a child’s passport and are balked by her power trip. And I am really grateful that I live in a metropolitan area where I have options of different offices to go to; I could not have pulled this off if I lived in a more rural location, with only one office in striking distance. And what’s more upsetting is this; I was trying to do the right thing, in terms of the government. I was getting Aurora’s information into the system, making her officially a citizen, and throwing stupid amounts of money at the government in the meantime. Were I really someone with a subversive agenda, I would not have been in there trying to get Aurora all documented; I’d have been flying as far under the radar as possible.
So at base, it was the bureaucrat’s prejudices versus my desire to play by the rules, and prejudice nearly won. Welcome to the land of the free.
My vote says “file a complaint.” You were fortunate. You stayed calm and used your brain; but what if you didn’t speak the language very well, lacked confidence, or lacked knowledge? You would be screwed. Ooh, these places really irritate me. I had to take my 5 year old to the emergency room three months ago and felt as though the powers that be were going to take her away from me because she wasn’t vaccinated. I filed a complaint. I’m tired, exhausted actually, of all these people who rent a tiny bit of power making up the rules as they go along.
P.S. I loved the new LWOS post, just haven’t had time to write a comment.
I think you must file a complaint. Too many “civil servants” can’t resist the temptation to be our lords and masters. It’s our duty to remind them that we are a people of laws, not of bureaucracy. Also, you should have chased her around the room with the baby yelling “UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!” That would have been fun. (To be clear, you would have yelled “unclean” unless Aurora is some kind of verbal prodigy.
File. A. Complaint. For you, for me, for the next person. Then, when you get the ss card, stomp into the Oakland office, find the asshole that spread the lies and go “NAH NAH NA NAH NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.” Just sayin’.
What they said. File a complaint. File it, file it, file it. Other people don’t stand up and think they have to take this. You know you don’t. Kick that person’s ass.
At the least I would write a letter. They have no right to treat you so poorly, and outright lie. The press may be interested as well.
OH Laureen, I feel ya here in SC. I’ve also been trying to play by the rules–whatever they’re defining as “rules” at the moment, guaranteed to change by the next phonecall. We’re dealing with some Class A, smug, lying bureaucrats here while trying to secure Ella Rose’s birth certificate. She’ll be a year old in two weeks. I really really hope I don’t have to endure the same crap to get her SSN. Passport is our end goal, as well.
The only way anything has progressed is by being squeaky, of course. Please spread the word with your homebirth circle. And I concur with the others to write a letter. I know *that* will be a beaut’.
Um. I vote for the complaint. I vote you file it with a local newspaper, too. But then again, I’ve always been trouble.
I’m glad you were able to get it for her without much trouble at the second office, though. The state of florida “lost” alex’s birth certificate twice before “finding” him. @@
Oh, and I love the “you have to have ID to get ID run around!”
Remind me sometime to tell you about taking Lash to get a DL, being told by the DL office I have to have an SS number, going to the SS office to get her new number under the adoption and being told she can’t have it because she doesn’t have a picture ID. Uh, folks…she’s 15 and just TRIED to get a driver’s license or ID which they wouldn’t give her because she got adopted and her SS number is under her old name. I had FIFTEEN pieces of paper on the table before we were done.
Thanks for the tip. Next time I have a home-born baby to sign up, I’ll go to Berkeley.
Fortunately we’re in Pete Stark country. Your Rep. in Congress is usually the best person to complain to about federal problems.
Hate to say this, but more than file a complaint. With a copy of this article and your daughter’s SS card, you go back into that office, baby on back, and you request a short interview with the manager of the desk team. You file complain including supporting paperwork in person to this manager. You request in as firm a tone as you can command a WRITTEN RESPONSE to your complaint. Then you publish the response as a GIF to this blog.
If there is any question of this occurring, you note that the entire incident is being documented online in “XYZ blog” with “123″ daily readership. Then you go to the Berkeley Daily. Berkeley will publish this, no question. It might get interesting enough to make it to the Chron. Those guys are always desperate for local news.
Laureen you are a stronger person then me, I would have probably lost it. especially if I knew she was lying. File a complant, so the next person who maybe doesn’t know better won’t have to go through what you did. Plus she shouldn’t get away with it.
Do I just spread the word with the local homebirth community that there’s someone at the Oakland Social Security office who is giving out inaccurate info and making life difficult for no good reason?
YES! I like this one. Make sure homebirthers in your area know where to go first, spare new mamas the pain and time, as well as they may not be as clear headed as you.
I love all the filing complaint answers, so only gonna nod my head here. Do what you have in your energy level to do.
But one caution about going to the Oakland office or the media and showing off what Berkeley did for you: I would not want the Oakland paperpusher or his/her superior getting pissed and then Berkeley getting clamped down on or punished for being so helpful, kwim? Make sure we don’t penalize our allies by sharing with the wrong people.
FWIW, I live in relatively conservative Santa Barbara, and had none of these issues after my homebirth. While I didn’t have tie-died mamas in Berkenstocks greeting me with their babes in slings, I did have a pretty “Berkeley” experience in terms of ease in all those offices. So your particular paper pusher was also personal agenda pusher, I think.
love to you, sorry that was such a friggen hassle!! next time, say “thank you very much. oh and before i leave, can my baby go pee in your bathroom?”
File a complaint. The clerk thinks she is so smart. Smug smile… UGH!!!
Looking for words to describe how my chest constricted and someting welled up in me just reading this. In those shoes I’m not sure I’d have the courage to file the complaint, but know you are *just* the person to do it on behalf of more timid parents…it happened for a reason!
B
File, publish, whatever. But do get her id card first. I like Toast’s suggestion.
Long live Berkeley!
You’re right - I *was* amused. Only because I went through the same freaking thing down here in the Victorville Social Security office. I actually asked the woman if she would like a crowning shot of Megan, in order to believe that she was mine. :-/ It’s ridiculous that we have to jump through hoops just to get our child “legal” in the eyes of the government, if we didn’t birth in the hospital. Grrr.
I’d definitely file a complaint. And I agree - get her ID number first.
Me thinks you struck a cord. The Social Security admin. is federal right? Shouldn’t there be one procedure for all states and localities? There has to be a written procedre somewhere– a copy of that seems like a valuable thing to have, especially for a home birth advocate–smile.
Maybe we should all contact our local social security offices and find out what the “official procedure” is for obtaining a card for a homebirth baby. Wanna bet we get a ton of different responses?
Oh so tempting though, to not register her. A ghost in the machine! Aurora, ninja assasin!
Ooooooo
I know what she’s getting for Christmas.
We’re still waiting for Brighton’s birth certificate (born in March). Apparently they didn’t like the address we put on the birth certificate forms so they made us start all over again. We resubmitted in July and STILL haven’t heard. Your story made me sick. I’m utterly impressed that you kept your cool. I hope you will file a complaint. I’m irritated that we didn’t file a complaint with our insurance company for jerking us around on paying for our home birth (took them MONTHS and dozens of phone calls all the way to the top to finally come through). We should have filed a complaint for all others who have to deal with BCBS.
Cripes. What a moronic system. How sad that in crunchy CA you have that, but here in Virginia not only did the birth certificate people GUSH about how wonderful VA midwives are, but they put a rush on things so we had our certificate in less than 3 weeks.
Okay, the REASON they had to put a rush on it was because the military would not accept a notarized letter from my midwife, on practice stationary, that the baby was mine, because it “is not on the stationary of the hospital she was born in.” But that’s my rant, and this is your blog.
-A
Hey! Had it been me, I would have immediately asked to speak to her supervisor. I can not believe the entire Oakland SS office is that twisted. I’ve dealt with them many times before, though 5+ years ago and not much in the general line/counter. They’ve always been wonderful to me, the best SS office of the various ones I’ve been to.
But it’s all about who you get. One bad apple and the entire office suddenly stinks. Still, a complaint made on the spot would have had the biggest impact IMHO.
Since it’s too late for that, I would file a complaint. If you can manage it, maybe try to speak to the supervisor directly. In person if you are up for doing that to yourself, though I wouldn’t want to go back there.
The comment about how the baby probably wasn’t even yours should be grounds for disiplinary action all by itself. And it is way down the list of the horrid illegal things she said. Insane.
Good luck and post the outcome would ya.
Thank you so much for posting this. I just got my birth certificate for Syrus’ birth(born 3 days after yours) and it will be good for me to have some idea of what to expect from both ends of the spectrum. Sy has seen the doctor, but his vaccination records are definitely all skewed, so I don’t want to run into any difficulties.
Glad everything worked out for you in the end and I hope you did file a complaint.