A mom on a local unschooling group I’m part of recommended a singing program, boy’s choir, that was gearing up to do auditions. She has two sons, one not much older than mine, one 14, in the program, and they were both loving it. Sure, some schoolish aspects, but both the boys were learning tons about music in a way that really inspired them, and left them talking after class for hours about what they’d learned. So, since Rowan has expressed strong interest in singing, we decided to check it out.
After the first session, I ended up with flashbacks. Hideous school flashbacks. Ugh ugh ugh. But that’s not the point. I was sitting next to this other mom, and she was every bit as horrified as I was. It was like in the last two sessions, it had gone from a freeform, kids-on-the-floor doing breath work and learning music, to being this weird, sit-in-your-desk, let’s give out tickets for the most obedient and compliant groups, kind of nightmare. Rowan’s not even enrolled (I made it clear that he was going to take a few sessions to warm up to deciding if he was even interested), but the teacher was already correcting Rowan. And that’s the part I need help/reassurance with.
They were going over material. And over it. And over it. Rowan was clearly bored senseless, and so decided to improve on the drawings in the notes they’d been given. So he was corrected for drawing, not singing. Then they started singing, and again, the teacher wanted to know why he was writing. Turns out he was keeping track of all the items in the fill-in-the-blank song they were singing. Finally, she called his team up to sing the piece, and he had it cold. And I could
see from his look that he was just unimpressed.
So here are my questions…
- The voices in my head are telling me that it’s somehow wrong to be absolutely delighted in how your kid chooses to entertain himself, and that’s it’s not OK to be so pleased at his ability to maintain autonomy in the face of authority. Tell me there’s a way to shut that voice up? How long until I can strangle my Inner Compliant Student?
- The other mom, and some of the significantly older boys I talked with, say that the experience we’ve had the last two sessions is aberrant, and we should stick it out, because everything will change, and once it does, it’ll be awesome for him. Rowan’s unimpressed, and talking about moving on to other things, but he’s clearly disappointed, because what he wants to do is become a better, stronger, “more musical” (his words) singer. Having had a great-grandfather in opera, and a grandfather in rock n’ roll, he’s got pro singing in his blood, and he’s very interested in that. He was
asking for training when we found this, and it seemed like a great opportunity. Am I damaging him by encouraging him to stick it out based on the recommendations of folks who know what I’m upset about and looking for? Or do we just walk away? Rowan’s not sure, neither am I.
Thoughts? Comment below…
Related posts:
I’d give it exactly one more time. Three times is the charm. If it’s still School Monkey Crap, bail.
There are private music tutors out there who will figure it out for Rowan. My guitar teacher in SF was one and I loved him.
Laureen,
You are great at following Rowan’s lead. He’ll let you know. You are not damaging him by doing that, for sure.
From a wanna be singer, I’m thrilled to hear that he’s exploring his musical talents.
Christie
Uhh…how do I put this? I joined an Aikido class recently. A very structured environment. Now I know that there are different schools of Aikido. There are the 1) survivalist martial artists teaching Aikido, and the 2) granola-crunchy spiral energy manipulators teaching Aikido, and somewhere in between there are the 3) Aikido “purists” who teach Aikido. I suddenly found myself actively engaged in three different classrooms. In 1)I learned respect for precise (and dangerous!) application of technique. In 2) I learned respect of your training partner, as well as soft and peaceful application. In 3) I learned respect for your teacher(s), the original intent of Aikido, and how to tie the apparent disparaties of #1 and #2 together.
I’m only training with #3 now. But because I was open and adaptable, I had the opportunity to learn from each; in very different environments from very different teachers with very different styles. Adaptation. Awareness. Respect. Besides basic moves, holds, and throws, these are the three conceptual teachings that were common to each classroom.
Laureen,
I did sing in church choir and at home growing up, but I didn’t start studying to be a professional singer until graduate school. Now, that is a bit late . . . but really, I don’t think kids need pressured vocal experiences until about high school. IMO, he’d be better off singing for fun and taking private piano lessons.
~ Kimberly
ps – my daugher complains when I sing at home; it’s too loud . . .
There is a boys choir that comes to our church now and then. Ummm. They sound wonderful…. but … I see the way they’re talked to by the handlers and I’m unamused. It’s not mean, per se. But the fact I don’t like it tells me everything I need to know.
I think private voice lessons with a laid back teacher might be a lot of fun if/when you feel like devoting the time and $$ to it. Everything costs more where you are than here, but last time I heard, private lessons were like $20 for half an hour.
Anyway. He’s too … he’s got his own groove, and it works. If he’s ever ready for something this structured, he’ll let you know. My free spirits have. I have total faith in him. love, V