Thoughts at 26 Weeks
So here I am, over halfway. In our culture, for the first baby, you spend all your time panicking about the unknown of it all. In my case, I spent my second pregnancy wholly focused on the event of the birth, which was a planned HBAC, and came with all the challenges inherent to that. But with this baby, I have achieved an odd sort of calm. People keep shaking their heads at me.
It’s uncool, apparently, to be pregnant and non-dramatic about it. Apparently, despite the fact that I feel great, that I’m gaining normally, that baby is kicking around in there, I’ve got my midwife and my birth plans (including a full emergency backup plan) all dialed in, I am supposed to be freaking out about something.
There’s plenty to freak out about, if I felt like it. Birth isn’t all that safe an event, no matter where it happens. I could worry about shoulder dystocia, I could worry about stillbirth, meconium in the water, aspiration, short cord, breech. Last time labor was 38 hours, this one might be longer. Or, it might be supershort! I could fret about the fact that I’m older, so birth defects of some kind are more likely than they were before (although according to the Powers That Be, I’ve been a geriatric mother for five years already, LOL!). It’s true; this baby could have autism, CP, spina bifida, or a whole host of other things that people are born with. We’ll face that if it becomes necessary.
But you know… there’s nothing wrong with a little hope, is there? Must it always be about impending disaster?
It makes me sad that the American Culture of Fear has so pervaded the American Culture of Birth, that the fact that my simple statements that I feel great, baby’s doing great, and the birth is gonna be great, have people thinking I’m somehow naive or oblivious.
I spent Kestrel’s pregnancy reading everything. I mean everything. I am under absolutely no illusions about what could happen. I know that babies die. I know that mothers die. I’ve faced it, internalized it, accepted it, and… here’s the kicker… I am now moving past it.
In 14 weeks or so, I’m having a baby. And like everything else in this life, there are factors I can control, and factors I cannot, and I am going to meet them with the most joy, and the most faith, and the most love, I possibly can. Everything else is a waste of my energy; energy I could put to use growing this baby. So that’s what I’m doing.
I wish people would apply such a philosophy–and their personal energy–to more things in their lives. Turning such energy–and time–toward things we can influence is a much better alternative.
Postive energy for baby OH YES. Happy, Sunny, Beautiful,Smiling~Postive. The other is just a waste. All pregnancy have a risk, good thing we ignore it or no babies would be born.
So happy for you and baby - and I know you’re NOT naive, you’re wise
AMEN!
I stumbled on this quotation this morning while looking for something else, but it seemed just *so* applicable:
“We cannot control life’s difficult moments but we can choose to make life less difficult. We cannot control the negative atmosphere of the world, but we can control the atmosphere of our minds. Too often we try to choose and control things we cannot. Too seldom we choose to control what we can — our attitude.”
- John Maxwell
Thanks for that, Steven. That does sum it up nicely. =)
I blame television for the climate of fear and loathing we dwell in.
you are so wise, mama! This is the beauty of 3rd (or 4thplus, for that matter) pregnancy’s and i am fairly confident you will continue to feel the same once the baby comes. you just tuck them in your sling and keep going…..
so excited for you and your family and your boatbirth LOL
keep spreading the word, birth is NORMAL