Opportunity Cost of Shame
Things are incredibly ugly, financially, for my little family right now. Our house is on the market, and isn’t moving. Larry, our agent, tells us that’s not a problem, that we need to be patient, and just to hang on for a while. That despite all the media fearmongering, the market is not so much depressed, as just not insane like it’s been the last few years. That it’s gorgeous, that people are looking, and that in a little time, we’ll be looking at a sale agreement.
Nice, but in the meantime, we’re supporting the house, the boat, and five people, on my one income. Needless to say, the ends are not exactly meeting where they need to. I’m having to do the bill shell game, where you pay these four on time this month and short these four, then switch. And make a lot of grovelling phone calls.
One particular bill I’d been ignoring, started calling. I ignored them. They called four or five times a day. Since I didn’t have the money, I let the phone ring. But there’s the physical, visceral reaction; my heartrate sped up, my shoulders hunched, I blushed.
Classic shame, pure and simple.
I finally got sick and tired of it, and resolved to face the music. So I looked at the account the next paycheck, and you know how much I owed them? $250. You know how late the bill was? Less than 15 days. I called them, to do a pay by phone, and end the madness. The woman I spoke to was incredibly friendly, waived all the fees when I explained why the bill was late, and wished us great luck on the house sale.
The whole drama could have been avoided, had I faced up instead of cringing. I think about the days I spent wincing, and I am chagrined at myself.
I think it’s human nature to feel some degree of shame when you can’t make ends meet. It’s normal to be a little embarassed when you have to say “I just don’t have the money for that right now, can you be patient with me?” It’s not in the nature of creditors to be kind or patient or understanding. But you know, sometimes, creditors are staffed by people, and those people do sometimes have a heart. So here’s my thank you to all of them.
i remember this is a lesson i was supposed to have learned in college. in pretty much any course, there were harsh consequences for turning in problem sets, essays, tests, whatever late. the only thing you had to do to get an extension was to ask. but i and a lot of other people played the shame game and got in trouble all the time.