Smooches!
Bets

First, because as a (average height) late thirties mother who is slightly overweight and has a tendency to frumpiness I feel pretty invisible. It’s so demoralizing! Doesn’t everyone realize how fascinating I am??? Even when I am actually talking to a new acquaintance I often notice after the conversation that the person hasn’t expressed the slightest interest in anything about my life

Second, I often think about the fascinating online personalities that I have gotten to “know” - including you. I am realistic enough to realize that I wouldn’t necessarily pick up on the “cool factor” of these people in real life, whether due to their appearance, social style, or whatever.

There’s no question that the online world provides us access to a different way of relating - one that I have benefited from a lot.

Ks.

My weight fluctuates widely depending on %frustration, degree of poverty, weather, and level of health. I wish it didn’t, but it has certainly presented a vivid lesson in applied social dynamics. Also, I too am short, so the sizes I mention below are spread out over little height.

In the space of a year, I’ve been through what I’ve classified as 3 different “extrinsic attention states” - sizes at which others pay attention to me in different ways:

A State - Absolutely anyone will do absolutely anything for me, as promptly and nicely as possible, regardless of their sex, age, or race — although men in their early 20’s move the fastest. (I’m almost 40, so this is always a bit startling.) This is between dress sizes 8-11.

B State - Young men can only just be bothered to deal with me, but most other people are happy to deal with me as readily as they’d deal with anyone. However, I don’t get pulled ahead of anyone. This is size 12-14.

C - Can best be summarized, “Good luck, bitch, nobody cares. Oh, you can’t use your right arm? Pardon me, is that my problem?” This starts around size 16 and gets worse going up.

At size 18, people literally don’t see me, and will talk to the person behind me in line because their eyes just go right by me. It is EERIE to be so damn big and yet completely invisible! Everyone does this - regardless of age, sex, or - yes - even their own size. Stunning.

I’d love to have a stable, healthy weight, but that’s not the point here. The point is I’m going to exactly the same stores, dealing with the same neighborhoods and the same sets of people, and that the color of my hair, eyes, skin, and money is exactly the same all along the way.

I’ve gone up and down this particular totem pole several times in the past few years (life has been eventful!) and the pattern is relentlessly clear.

H’mm .. maybe I should put that in one of my own blogs.

And I have to admit that when I first met you I was often struck by the enormity of your words and ideas, such huge stuff and experiences coming from such a wee person. It’s also what I love about ya:-)

But your in person words do have impact. I’ve seen it for myself. I think it’s just that when you write, you hear from the people who are touched, and not so much from the people who’d make you turn purple if you were speaking to them in person.

I also think that reading concentrates our focus better than when we are talking to someone. In person we are distracted by the visual in all sorts of ways, and it’s easy to interupt and not let the speaker finish his or her point.

The written word is mightier than the sword, aye?

Dana

I absolutely agree with your assessment. I’ve been pondering a related point for several weeks now. The equality that comes from semi-anonymous electronic communication is undeniable. In addition to gender and race, I’ve noticed that, in these forums, the opinions of a 12-year-old can carry as much weight as that of a 40-something professional with a PhD.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.